Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
