I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
FUCK WHALES
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
