gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
