let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
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Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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