Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
