Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
third nipple confirmed
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
