You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
