it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
