You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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