I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Screwed.edu
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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