How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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