there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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