Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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