I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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