You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
