WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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