I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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