I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Someone came in the potted fern
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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