was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
