I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
