Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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