I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
