He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
