I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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