just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
