he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
