chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
