I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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