What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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