I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
