at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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