guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
