Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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