I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
