My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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