They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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