Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
