Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
