dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
