just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
did you just send me my own nude
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
