Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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