Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
