I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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