I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
