and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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