Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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