I'm going to jail i love you
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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