I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
