U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
