$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Small penises have feelings too.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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