I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
