I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
