Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
